Danger can be hard to spot.
Violence often starts with little things that can be denied, ignored or forgiven. But, from there, a pattern of violence can grow quickly!
Violence isn't just about hitting
Dating violence usually begins with verbal and emotional abuse. It can progress to physical and/or sexual assault.
- Verbal or emotional violence: One partner makes fun of, insults, bosses, controls and/or threatens the other.
- Physical violence: One partner grabs, shoves, slaps, pinches or hits the other.
- Sexual violence: One partner forces the other to have sex.
It's not unusual for 2 or more types of violence to be going on in an abusive relationship.
Dating violence happens to people of all ages, races, classes and genders
Dating Violence Is More Common Than You Think!
People who are being abused often don't talk about it.
- They might not realize they're being abused. This is most often true in the early stages when violence is limited to verbal or emotional abuse.
- They might come from a violent home. Violence might seem normal to someone who grew up with it.
- They may think they're "just imagining it." They may think it's a single incident that wont happen again.
- They may be very attracted to or in love with the abuser.
- They may feel embarrassed, ashamed or afraid to tell anyone.
When violence is a secret it's harder to make it stop.
Emotional Abuse Is Dangerous!
- Emotional and verbal abuse are often the first steps before physical and/or sexual violence
-Being made fun of, criticized or insulted can hurt people's self-esteem
-Stopping physical or sexual violence is harder if a person believes the verbal abuse is true
The sooner you notice potential dating violence, the easier it is to prevent it!
What to Watch For:
It's not always easy to see that someone is likely to be violent. You may be attracted to other, better parts of a person's character.
But, if you know what to watch for, you can often pick up hints before abuse gets physical.
This behavior doesn't always lead to physical abuse. But a person is more likely to become violent who:
- Seems jealous when you talk to or go out with other friends.
- Gets angry over small things.
- Throws or breaks things when angry.
- Wants to control how you dress or wear your hair.
- Tells you you're wrong, stupid, crazy or inadequate when you disagree.
-Always plans where you'll go and what you'll do together.
- Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
Sometimes people who are being abused in these ways think they've done or said something wrong. This is not true. No one ever deserves to be abused. This includes verbal and emotional abuse.
It Can Be Confusing
If people who use violence were mean and violent all the time, it would be easy to avoid them.
But sometimes things that suggest a person might become violent may be qualities you admire at first. This can get in the way of making a clear decision.
Here are some questions to think about.
Is this person:
- A take-charge kind of person? OR Someone who tries to control every detail?
-Loving and attentive? OR Demanding and jealous?
- Charming and fun? OR Has to always be the center of attention?
- Smart and sophisticated? OR Someone who ignores or makes fun of your ideas?
What About Conflict?
It's normal to have conflict in a relationship. Working it out together can bring you closer.
When you disagree, does your partner:
- Respect your ideas and views?
- Listen to what you're saying?
- Help find solutions that work for you both?
Be careful if your partner:
- Has to have things go his or her way.
- Isn't willing to meet you halfway.
- Insults you or puts you down.
Think hard about whether you want this person in your life!
Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
Here are some ways to find out:
- Ask questions. Does your partner come from an abusive family? Has he or she been violent in other relationships? Does he or she have friends who use violence to settle conflict?
- Notice what's going on. Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner? Do you feel more free to be yourself when he or she isn't around?
- Talk to friends. Often a friend or family member can see things more clearly. Do they see abuse in your relationship?
What to Know About Abuse
- Know the facts. When one partner hits the other, chances are it will happen again. To stop future violence, the abusive partner must get professional help.
- Respect yourself. People sometimes think abuse is their fault. But no one deserves to be abused. Abuse is always the abuser's fault!
- Violence is against the law. Seek help right away if a partner is violent.
In an Emergency:
Dial 9-1-1 or call the Police Department or Sheriff's Department.
Avoid Dating Danger
- Be aware that violence can happen to you. It's not something that only happens to other people.
- Know the signs and watch for them. Use what you know when you decide to date someone or take the next step in a relationship.
- Be clear about behavior you wont accept and stick to your limits. It's easier to get out and get help early in an abusive relationship.
- Trust yourself. If something feels uncomfortable, even if you don't know why, pay attention. Do something about it. Leave. Speak out if you're in a safe place. Get to a safe place if you need to.
- Have a support system. Stay in touch with friends and family you trust. Don't become isolated in your relationship.
- Avoid drinking and drug use. Alcohol and drugs don't cause violence. But they can make it more likely to happen.
Expect Respect
People in healthy relationships feel loved and respected for who they are.
If you ever feel fearful, pressured or bad about yourself when you're with your partner, trust your feelings. Talk about it with someone you trust: a friend, family member, counselor or health care provider.
You have the right to be respected. Don't settle for less!
